Jun 14, 2022
In this week’s episode of the
Girlfriend Doctor Show, we had a delightful conversation about
love, hate, and all things in between with Marla Mattenson. Marla is a an award-winning
author, Sex-Ed teacher, spiritual life coach, and much more. She,
along with her husband Julian, are the founders Intimacy Experts, a
program built to guide couples through every aspect in order to
form a blissful and honest marriage and communion.
Of course we branch off in many
different topics but for the most part, Marla discusses the reasons
for high numbers of divorce, the many layers of intimacy, being
extremely transparent to prevent dishonesty and cheating, and
techniques to help guide couples to break bad habits. One concept
that Marla really emphasized is that happiness is not a forever
feeling.
One is going to be down in the
dumps one way or another, at one time or another and mistakes may
be made in the dumps. One makes mistakes when one is in the dumps
but it should not a time to shame or judge a partner, it is a time
evaluate not only the mistake but the actions that led to that
mistake from both angles. Be sure to tune in to find out more about
sustaining a prosperous relationship with your other
half!
KEY TAKEAWAYS
[1:31] Reasons for high numbers
of divorce
[5:35] Intimacy is more than
just ·
[8:18] Why people
cheat
[12:38] Share and Scribe
Technique for dealing with resentment
[29:09] Happiness is not a
forever feeling
[31:50] Getting a redo to
break bad habits\
[35:00] Feeling unworthy in a
relationships is the root of every single issue
HOW TO CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST
MEMORABLE QUOTES:
- “One of the biggest challenges
in relationships and why it even gets to divorce in the first place
is lack of communication. Lack of really sharing the truth on
what’s going on insides until it gets so bad, that the only option
is to leave.”
- “If you’re thinking about
cheating and haven’t told your partner, now is the time to talk
about it before you do something.”
- “The idea is to open the idea
of communication in a way that leads to deeper intimacy. Intimacy,
as we define it … is to be simultaneously unguarded and receptive
at the same time.”
- “Intimacy is way more than just
sex. And, when sex is off, it feels like 90% of the relationship.
And that’s why, if you’re feeling uncomfortable in your physical
body, it’s really challenging to want to have sex.”
- “Unless you’re actively growing
together, you’re unintentionally growing apart.”
- “Cheating is not a deal-breaker
in a relationship. It is an opportunity to take a look at how the
patterns came together between the two of you, activated in such a
way that cheating was the outcome.”
- “Cheating is never one partner
is the issue problem, or the perpetrator of that experience. It had
to happen because both partners are engaged in relationship in way
that allowed that to move forward.”
- “The idea of us being
dishonest, all of us are dishonest. All of us are dishonest, even
on a subtle level because words are never going to completely the
exact experience of what you’re experiencing inside.”
- “If you haven’t been using the
resentment that is in your relationship as an opportunity to
connect, here is a technique… The share and scribe is a technique
that’s meant to clear resentment before it starts, as it’s
building, after it’s already there.”
- “Reconciliation for something
that happened in the past is definitely necessary for the person
who experienced it to be able to move forward in
truth.”
- “Happiness is a human emotion
that comes and goes just like every other emotion. It is an
unsustainable, you can’t sustain it forever.
- “Happiness is not the goal of a
relationship. The relationship to be fully expressed, is really the
goal, if you’re going to have one in a relationship. Nobody has to
shove it down.”
- “If you don’t feel worthy
inside, you’re going to receive that as if there’s something is
wrong with you. But if you feel worthy inside, you’re going to be
like understand, this is about them.”