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The Girlfriend Doctor w/ Dr. Anna Cabeca

Jun 14, 2022

In this week’s episode of the Girlfriend Doctor Show, we had a delightful conversation about love, hate, and all things in between with Marla Mattenson. Marla is a an award-winning author, Sex-Ed teacher, spiritual life coach, and much more. She, along with her husband Julian, are the founders Intimacy Experts, a program built to guide couples through every aspect in order to form a blissful and honest marriage and communion.

Of course we branch off in many different topics but for the most part, Marla discusses the reasons for high numbers of divorce, the many layers of intimacy, being extremely transparent to prevent dishonesty and cheating, and techniques to help guide couples to break bad habits. One concept that Marla really emphasized is that happiness is not a forever feeling.

One is going to be down in the dumps one way or another, at one time or another and mistakes may be made in the dumps. One makes mistakes when one is in the dumps but it should not a time to shame or judge a partner, it is a time evaluate not only the mistake but the actions that led to that mistake from both angles. Be sure to tune in to find out more about sustaining a prosperous relationship with your other half!


[1:31] Reasons for high numbers of divorce

[5:35] Intimacy is more than just · 

[8:18] Why people cheat

[12:38] Share and Scribe Technique for dealing with resentment

[29:09] Happiness is not a forever feeling

​​[31:50] Getting a redo to break bad habits\

[35:00] Feeling unworthy in a relationships is the root of every single issue



  • “One of the biggest challenges in relationships and why it even gets to divorce in the first place is lack of communication. Lack of really sharing the truth on what’s going on insides until it gets so bad, that the only option is to leave.”
  • “If you’re thinking about cheating and haven’t told your partner, now is the time to talk about it before you do something.”
  • “The idea is to open the idea of communication in a way that leads to deeper intimacy. Intimacy, as we define it … is to be simultaneously unguarded and receptive at the same time.”
  • “Intimacy is way more than just sex. And, when sex is off, it feels like 90% of the relationship. And that’s why, if you’re feeling uncomfortable in your physical body, it’s really challenging to want to have sex.”
  • “Unless you’re actively growing together, you’re unintentionally growing apart.”
  • “Cheating is not a deal-breaker in a relationship. It is an opportunity to take a look at how the patterns came together between the two of you, activated in such a way that cheating was the outcome.”
  • “Cheating is never one partner is the issue problem, or the perpetrator of that experience. It had to happen because both partners are engaged in relationship in way that allowed that to move forward.”
  • “The idea of us being dishonest, all of us are dishonest. All of us are dishonest, even on a subtle level because words are never going to completely the exact experience of what you’re experiencing inside.”
  • “If you haven’t been using the resentment that is in your relationship as an opportunity to connect, here is a technique… The share and scribe is a technique that’s meant to clear resentment before it starts, as it’s building, after it’s already there.”
  • “Reconciliation for something that happened in the past is definitely necessary for the person who experienced it to be able to move forward in truth.”
  • “Happiness is a human emotion that comes and goes just like every other emotion. It is an unsustainable, you can’t sustain it forever.
  • “Happiness is not the goal of a relationship. The relationship to be fully expressed, is really the goal, if you’re going to have one in a relationship. Nobody has to shove it down.”
  • “If you don’t feel worthy inside, you’re going to receive that as if there’s something is wrong with you. But if you feel worthy inside, you’re going to be like understand, this is about them.”